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Dear Joanne

Your questions, her wisdom — Joanne’s here with thoughtful advice, warm humor, and a listening ear for whatever’s on your mind.

After years of careful observation at senior centers, coffee clubs, and grocery store checkout lines, I’ve finally uncovered the secret to a long marriage. It’s not communication. It’s not romance. By far, it is selective hearing.

Scientists may call it age-related hearing loss. Married couples call it relationship insurance.

Consider the evidence. “Honey, did you forget to take out the trash?” “What was that?” “Never mind.” Argument averted.

Then there’s the thermostat (I think I may have covered the thermostat topic in previous columns, but it is always worth repeating). Newlyweds argue over whether it’s too hot or too cold. Couples who’ve been married as long as we have clearly developed a sophisticated system: one quietly changes the temperature, the other quietly changes it back. Neither admits to touching it. It’s basically an international peace treaty with blankets.

People always ask couples celebrating a milestone anniversary, “What’s your secret?” The typical answer is: “We never go to bed angry.” What we don’t mention is that one of us (me) usually falls asleep in the recliner during the evening news.

Another important secret is understanding the difference between “listening” and “waiting for your turn to talk.” Of course, I have perfected a third option: As he is talking, I nod convincingly while thinking about whether there is still a Klondike Bar left in the freezer for my 8:00 p.m. snack.

And let’s not overlook the power of separate hobbies.

One spouse spends three hours organizing an area of the house that really doesn’t need organization. The other spends three hours putting everything back the way it was. Both believe they’re improving things. Neither is entirely wrong. Neither is entirely right.

Long marriages also thrive on lowered expectations. When I tell my husband, “I’ll be ready in five minutes,” he knows this is measured in “marriage minutes,” a unit of time recognized nowhere else on Earth but my house. Likewise, when he says, “I’ll fix it tomorrow,” I know it can refer to any date between now and the next presidential election (if I am lucky).

Romance changes slightly as well. Instead of receiving surprise jewelry, you get, “I picked up your prescription.” Instead of love letters, you get, “I remembered your favorite cereal.” Instead of dancing until midnight, you celebrate making it through a movie without falling asleep.

Of course, every long marriage has a history of some disagreements. The trick isn’t avoiding them. It’s remembering that, after decades together, you’ve probably had the same argument so many times you can finish each other’s complaints.

Eventually, you realize that marriage isn’t about winning (except in my house where it really is all about ME winning). It’s about deciding which battles are worth fighting and which ones can be settled by ordering takeout.

So, what’s the real secret to a long marriage?

Laugh often. Apologize when necessary. Forgive generously. Keep the TV remote on the couch between the two of you so you can change the channel when your spouse falls asleep.

And if all else fails, remember that after all these years together, replacing your spouse would require learning someone else’s medication schedule, television preferences, and favorite flavor of pudding cups.

At our age, that would be just too much work.

Email me at [email protected] with your ideas of surviving a lengthy relationship. I am sure there will be some funny stories to share! And, for everyone who emails me with their story I promise to email you back with my personal thermostat story that I cannot publish here because my husband reads my column.

Have a great week, everyone!

Joanne

On this day in 1981, Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were married in a grand ceremony at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London. Dubbed the “wedding of the century,” the event drew an estimated 750 million viewers worldwide and marked a rare moment of global celebration. Diana’s 25-foot-long train and fairy-tale gown became instantly iconic, and her quiet charm won hearts across generations. Though their marriage was complex and ultimately ended in divorce, this day remains a symbol of a bygone era of royal spectacle, optimism, and tradition.

Virtual Private Networks (VPNs): Do You Need One?
What They Are, What They Do, and Whether They're Worth It for You

If you’ve spent time online recently, you’ve likely come across the term “VPN.” Short for Virtual Private Network, a VPN is a tool that helps protect your privacy and security while browsing the internet. But do you really need one? The answer depends on how, when, and where you go online.

A VPN works by creating a secure “tunnel” between your device and the websites or services you’re using. It masks your real location and encrypts your data, meaning hackers, advertisers, and even internet service providers can’t easily see what you’re doing online. This is especially helpful if you often use public Wi-Fi—say, at a café, airport, or hotel—where your personal information is more vulnerable.

Many people use VPNs to watch region-locked content (like shows only available in other countries) or to avoid price hikes based on location. But beyond entertainment and travel hacks, the real benefit for most users—especially seniors—is peace of mind. With scams, phishing, and identity theft on the rise, having an extra layer of protection never hurts.

That said, a VPN isn’t a magic shield. It won’t block spam calls or protect you from every scam. It doesn’t replace antivirus software or good digital habits like using strong passwords and being cautious with emails. Some free VPNs can even be risky, selling your data or infecting your device with malware. If you’re considering one, look for a reputable provider with clear privacy policies and customer support.

So, do you need a VPN? If you use public Wi-Fi often, value online privacy, or travel internationally and want access to familiar websites and services, the answer is likely yes. If you mostly use a secure home network for basic browsing and email, it may not be essential—but it could still offer peace of mind.

Like wearing a seatbelt, you may not need it every time—but when you do, you’ll be glad it’s there.

Quick Tip: Many popular VPNs offer simple, senior-friendly apps with one-click protection. Ask a trusted friend or family member to help you set one up if you're curious but unsure where to start.

Yesterday’s Poll Results: What’s your current investment style?

Resetting Your Mindset: Fresh Ways to Embrace Life After 60

Changing how you think can open the door to a brighter, more joyful life—no matter your age. Resetting your mindset isn’t about flipping a switch; it’s about small, everyday shifts that help you let go of past disappointments and welcome new possibilities. Simple steps like saying “yes” more often, seeing challenges as chances to grow, and celebrating small wins can make a big difference in how you feel and what you achieve.

This gentle mindset refresh encourages curiosity, self-compassion, and an openness to change, helping you create a life that feels true to who you are now. It’s not about perfection or rushing—just finding little ways to think differently that add up to a more hopeful, vibrant future. With each positive thought, you’re planting the seeds for a new chapter filled with growth and happiness.

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Slang Phrase of the Day

Phrase: Ballin’

Meaning: “Ballin’” means living large or enjoying a flashy, luxurious lifestyle—think of having fun, confidence, and showing off a bit of style or success.

In a sentence: “After finally fixing up my classic car, I was ballin’ at the neighborhood cruise night, turning heads and feeling proud!”

Good News of the Day

Volunteers’ Tiny Bamboo Bridges Have Helped Double Migratory Crab Populations on Taiwan

Last year, GNN reported on the toolkit of patience and garden rakes needed to get through the 100 million-strong crab migration season on Christmas Island. Taiwan, itself also an island, has found that a healthy dose of compassion and basic materials can protect its own crabs during migration, running from July to September. The mangrove […]

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- Jay

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